Once again white-knuckling the pendulum as it swings wildly to the other side. I guess it was inevitable that I go shake the willies out after being in virtual isolation for such a long time. I am having pendulum remorse this morning.
I woke up almost unable to breathe from the insane amount of cigarettes I have smoked in the last three weeks. Then I decided, masochist that I am, I would step on the scale, just to check in. Shitballs. Worst idea ever. I have pretty much eaten my weight in butter and pizza this week. I also haven’t run for pretty much the entire month of may. (which is more the fault of my bum foot, but still not much of an excuse.) I also muddled through this morning putting the milk in the makeup drawer and pouring coffee into not-a-mug. I haven’t slept. Not a good sleep. Not in a while. It’s starting to inhibit my ability to drive myself from A to B in a safe manner.
I need to find a sustainable lifestyle before I totally lose my shit. Don’t get me wrong, hanging out with friends and getting back into karaoke is most excellent fun. But I can’t see myself going in a good direction here. I used to look at Kate and wonder how the hell she does it. Rage, work, rage, work. But now I know how she does it. She comes home from work and goes directly to bed. That kind of sleep schedule is a sure fire way to give me a case of the depressos.
Also, summer is upon us now and I have every intention of behaving like a high school senior. I want to go swimming at night, attend bonfires in back yards, assume no responsibility whatsoever and gossip about other people’s boyfriends. Now that I’m 27, all I want to do is act like I’m 17 again. I refuse to get old.
1 comment:
...and I refuse to let you get old. But nothing makes you feel old like NOT, NOT, NOT sleeping. It makes me feel like it's nursing home time.
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