grown up friends

On just getting married: “Now that we’re married, nothing has changed. We are still the same people and everything. Well… I guess it is a little different now. In that whatever happens, it happens to us. If she loses her wallet, we lose our wallet. People had told me that would happen, but I never believed it would be so completely true.”

On having a baby: “You are with someone for so long, you think you know everything about them. And then a baby comes, and they really surprise you. I’m learning things about him that I never knew”.

On childbirth: “I never ever knew just how much of a badass I am. I mean, I am fucking strong.”

i bet art got in the way of a lot of love.

"A Little Cage Music"

I know why the caged bird sings...

It's because there's a cat out there
and he's purring and preening for me

there's opera on the radio
there's pasta on the stove

he works on a thorn in his paw
i fight for his attention

but i am awkward and have forgotten
all my best dances

i compete with the am/fm
and sing a perfect fifth alongside the soprano

now i've got him

i sing my best song

he forgets his pain
his gaze sustains
he doesn't see the cage.

appalachian redemption

car was broken into last week. they took all of my burned cds (I've been meaning to get rid of those) my debit card and gas card (won't do you much good, sir) and my climbing gear. They left a pile of shattered glass and a crack pipe. Thanks guys! Cool trade. I like to picture us (the thieves and myself) in a split screen picture, with wes anderson-like composition. On the left, me in my work clothes, sitting on the trunk of my nissan alitma smoking a homemade crack pipe. And on the right, a tall, scar faced thug in a baby blue women's climbing harness and shoes, tangled in rope.

Midterms are this week. Halloween is this week. The combination of the two makes me feel like a wee lass. I'm just going to study my little tail off, then reward myself with a keg party on friday. No, but really. I am.

Working and going to school at the same time is really a feat. Without you noticing, i have been slowly digging a hole through the wall with a spoon behind my Sade poster to make an escape from this self imposed jail. I'd really like to fall off the grid again. Hopefully by way of the Appalachian trail. Though, i hear walking is much slower than biking.

i just miss the feeling of not knowing or caring what i look like. i miss the feeling of wearing myself out to the point of full breakdown. I've heard that after training for the olympics, people often spiral into bouts of depression. I get it, man. I totally get it. It is such a nice thing to be focused on what your body can do. not what it looks like. Sadly, i think i'm back to the latter.

I hear that the trail can be very lonely. That does scare me a little. But that's ok. Scary is good. It was great the last time.

oy. school is mind-numbing.

dear canyon, grand

The desert boasts
some kind of silent rhythm
"yes, i do"
my hair and eyes say to the wind and
when it gusts
i give up
some kind of belly-howl
an ache of adoration
a hollowness filled
with only wind.

Double Happiness

Went to Evelyn and Nick's wedding last night. What a surprisingly beautiful day it turned out to be. Everyone packed into plastic folding chairs, just warm enough to still don sundresses. Sun streaming through the courtyard. Wildflowers hang in glass ball jars. Super awesome crunchy farm feel to the whole scene. Everyone tattooed, beardy, suspender-clad. Good job dudes, your friends are a weird bunch.

Ana presided over the wedding. I gotta say, this is the closest thing I have done to church in a long time. And if Ana was the priest at any church, i would seriously fucking not miss a mass. She is unnecessarily emphatic and cried more than once. She did manage to sneak some bible stuff in there, but it turned out to be a riot. We can all thank our lucky stars we didn't get, "Love is patient, love is kind". Rather, we heard, "Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor". HAH. This is the most terrifically dry and wonderful thing to say about a couple. Hey, two 'a yous guys can dig a hole faster than one of yous guys. Superb! The only biblical wedding verse I will ever tolerate from this day forward.

I have always measured the success of a wedding by how many times I cringe for the bride and groom. "Eeeks. Sorry, your uncle is the weirdest sweatiest and most long-winded fellow in the world. That speech really destroyed the mood". Perhaps, "Your Uncle Linda is a real nice lady, but she sure made a fool of herself on the dance floor". Someone falls down on the way to the alter. Any combination physical foibles. The funky chicken. And of course, the possibility of a sweaty, three hour, pray to the virgin mary, catholic pain festival. None of that.

We danced to soul until the cops booted us out. I am quite sure I saw several men lift other men into the air in jubilation. Evie was the most zen-mellow bride i have ever seen. Carefree as the wind, dancing and comfortably moving between friends and family. As my sister so astutely recognized, it's a difficult balance to be hip enough for your friends and traditional enough for your family. Way to go, Ebert, you nailed it.

After the reception, we headed to the appropriately titled, Double Happiness across the street. Where i watched everyone get drunk. Things devolved into a slew of dares involving putting your balls on statues around town. I had to get out of there. But not before listening to several, "How i met nick" stories.

"I was having pizza at adriaticos years ago. After everyone had finished and people were getting cash together, we looked around and nick was gone. There was a fifty dollar bill on the table. THAT ASSHOLE!" Yeah, that guy's the worst. He wouldn't let you pay your own phone bill. What a freakin gem.

I part ways with the bride, chain grease all over her white satin dress and the groom, flat cap and grin, hugs so big i thought i'd cry a third time. Holy shit, guys. you got married.